Testing The Limits

Today I participated in a ground fighting training as part of my job. During that training we were put into positions where we were to try and subdue an attacker who, at first, had the advantage. After learning all the holds and techniques we then paired up in groups and had to fight some of the instructors, who by the way were not only expertly trained, but also big, huge, tough guys. All the instructors were very tough, some more difficult than others. During the process, I got slammed down and bounced my head off of the mat. I got a little dazed but shook it off and kept going. When I reached my last opponent, I was already exhausted. This last instructor was about 3-4 times my size and all muscle. He literally looked like The Hulk. The position i was placed in left me on the ground on my back with my legs wrapped around his waist. He was pretty tall and really sweaty so I had a hard time getting a hold of him to attempt to maneuver him out of the position i was in. I fought him as hard as I could and used all the strength I had left in me but I was overpowered and took a few good blows to my head. After the minute was over, which felt like a lifetime, I didn't feel so good. I had a bad headache and was feelin pretty lightheaded. After getting checked out, it was discovered I had a neck strain and and a headache but no concussions or anything more serious.  This whole experience made me realize though that for one, I underestimate myself quite a bit. If I felt more determined in my ability to take on something or someone and really put my all into it, I believe I could really go far. Secondly, I'm very much out of shape. The last instructor taught me that I need to step up my game and keep doing all I can to survive, as there were many times I wanted to quit. In real life there are no time outs and no chances to tap out. In those situations you have to fight for your life and I got a real sense of my own mortality in that situation. Had it been a real life fight, I don't think I would have made it out alive in the physical situation I was in. I'm now all banged up and bruised and pretty damn sore, but these bruises are reminders to me that I can survive and I can overcome. I'm thankful for all the instructors that showed me what I'm made of and what I'm capable of and the desire to become better able to protect myself. At the end of the day, I'm still here and I think it is an ongoing testament to my life that I am strong enough to keep going.